Four Months

Today marks 4 months since Alli passed away.  It dawned on me as I was driving Snickers to the vet this morning.  As I was driving the exact same route that we drove for months on end, the tears came out of nowhere.  The vet is about 1.5 miles from Egleston.  Not all days are like today.  There are plenty of good days and things to look forward to (like our upcoming vacation!).  Today just happened to be a little more challenging.

Now that Alli's permanent headstone is in place, I have been putting together bouquets each month to keep in the vase.  Below is the bouquet I made for February and the bouquet for March.  I made a quick visit this afternoon to place her March bouquet.  I enjoy putting the flowers together.  It makes me feel like I am still doing something for her, even though she isn't here and it gives me an excuse to visit the cemetery at least once a month.

I attended my second session at the grief support group.  They only meet once a month.  It felt like an eternity between meetings.  Though everyone's child's story is different, there are common threads in how the passing away of that child impacts the parents.  It is nice to be among other people who understand how I feel.  It seems like everyone has a 'thing.'  Something that sets them off, either makes them sad or angry, regarding the death of their child.  For me it is people's reference to Joshua as the 'second child.'  It usually comes up in the context of parenting discussions about his sleep, or feeding, or behavior, or who knows what, but inevitably, especially recently, people will say, "well…with the second child…"  It is like nails on a chalkboard for me.  I know people mean well.  It doesn't make me think differently about the person.  It just makes me sad.  It makes me feel like people have already started to forget about Alli.  Joshua isn't my second child.  Even though he will grow up from this point on like the second child, he is the third.

Speaking of Joshua - he is going to be 1on Saturday!  Unbelievable!  He will have his own 1st birthday post.  I don't want to taint it with sadness about Alli :)  Below is a picture of one of his early birthday gifts…  He loves it…well, more than his other early birthday gift…his second lower tooth.

Samantha is doing great.  The time together has been great for both of us.  She recently started attending school for the full day.  She is an "afternooner."  Tomorrow I am invited, with the other mothers in the class, to Mother's Tea.  It is an opportunity for the children to practice grace and courtesy.  I am looking forward to it!  Also, since my last post, she decided she wanted short hair.  Below is a pic with her new 'do.  She loves it!

Ok, I will update soon for Josh's 1st birthday.