How Great Thou Art..

Gosh, it just seems like Alli is everywhere.  I feel like I see butterflies and a cardinal almost daily, lately.  It is Spring and rebirth is everywhere, so maybe that is to be expected.  Who knows.  There has been something almost every day.

On Sunday it was the gospel reading from John..."As he passed by he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "Neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God might be made visible through him. We have to do the works of the one who sent me while it is day. Night is coming when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world." (John 9:1) You can imagine, having gone through what we have endured with Alli, that at times I was concerned as to whether or not certain circumstances along the way were an atonement for sins previously committed. Sunday's gospel was an answer to a question that had been in my heart for a long time. I think for most it might be hard to say, "oh, ok, I am doing the Lord's work. That makes this terrible thing (whatever the situation might be) ok." It is hard work. But, it is rewarding work. And, it was hard to say, ok, Lord, I will trust that all will be ok and let you use my precious daughter for your work. At times it is still incomprehensible, and still, at other times there is comfort in knowing and believing that there was a much greater purpose to all of this and that Alli's suffering was not in vain.

On Monday Joshua and I went to pick out the flowers for Alli's grave site. Tuesday, he and Samantha went with me to place the flowers after we picked Samantha up from school. The weather was warm and beautiful and we had a short visit. Picture below...

Then, Tuesday night, or early Wednesday morning, I had my second dream about Alli.  It is a little fuzzy, but I know I was angry at whomever woke me up :)  I love getting glimpses of her in my dreams.  It does make me hate waking up, but I am hopeful there will be more.  It is such a treat!

Lately I have been listening to a song from the Wicked soundtrack.  I think it is a song that my mom mentioned to me a long time ago, but for whatever reason, recently the words have really struck me...

The Song is For Good...

I'm limited
Just look at me
I'm limited
And just look at you you can do all I couldn't do

So now it's up to you
For both of us
Now it's up to you

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you...

Because I knew you...

Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...

Every time I hear this, I think of Alli.
Yesterday, Josh and I went for a long walk.  I have been trying to get out and walk in our neighborhood a couple of times a week.  Yesterday, we walked over to drop off the dry cleaning and pick up a few groceries.  It was nice to have the time to be able to walk and enjoy the beautiful weather.  As we were walking I had my music playing on shuffle from a playlist I put together.  The playlist is quite random.  It has everything from Robin Thicke (I know - I'm a sucker for sometimes crappy music.), to music from Wicked, the Beatles, and some church music mixed in.  As we were walking back to the house yesterday the last song that played was How Great Thou Art.  I found myself thinking, truly, "what a gift."  For me, it was a sign that the time I spent with Josh enjoying our walk was truly blessed time.