The Walk Around the Sun

Today Samantha turned 4 years old.  We started her birthday celebration on Saturday with a party and it has continued in to today.  I grew up bringing homemade cupcakes and other assorted sundries to school on my birthday.  Samantha's school approaches it differently.  I have to say, at first I mourned the lack of brownie, cupcake, ice cream sundae making.  Mostly because I love to bake.  However, I both loved and hated what we were able to do for her today at school.  

At Samantha's school, on the child's birthday, the child walks around the sun.  The parents are invited to participate in the walk around the sun and bring an allergy free treat in to share with the class.  So, what is the walk around the sun?  Well, all of the children sit in a circle (ellipse for the Montessori folk) on the floor.  In the center of the circle is a small table with a candle on it.  The candle represents the sun.  Then the child holds the globe and walks around the ellipse one time for each year of their life.  So, Samantha walked around the sun 4 times.  At the end of each lap (for lack of a better word) the parents share something special about the child from that particular year, starting with a story about the day of their birth.  So, Jason and I were able to share some details about Samantha's life with her friends.  On the one hand, I love that we were able to share with Samantha in such a meaningful way.  She loved the board we made with her pictures.  On the other hand, as we got to years 3 and 4, years that have largely revolved around Alli, I found our comments regarding her life to be so insignificant given what she has endured.  I struggled with how to convey to 3, 4, and 5 year olds what Samantha has truly experienced these last two years in the allotted time frame.  How do you explain that Samantha had a little sister and we were so hopeful that they would be so close in age and best friends and that things have just gone horribly, tragically wrong?  But, that amidst all of that hope and expectation that Jason and I had, Samantha is the one that goes freely in and out of Alli's room throughout the day to sit with her and the nurse.  She doesn't know the difference.  She recognizes the hospital mascots, Hope and Will, with the same enthusiasm that children her age show for Dora and Elmo.  She has a medical vocabulary that rivals some first year nursing students.  While her friends are going on family vacations to the beach and Disney World, she is on staycation in our house.  She has accepted that there are many nights when only one parent sleeps at home or weekends where only one parent can be with her and that time is often spent running errands or doing things around the house.  She doesn't just have one set of parents.  She has her parents and her grandparents often living under one roof, all with different rules and expectations of her.  So, here is what I would have liked to have said, "In years three and four, our family faced some unimaginable challenges, and they will likely continue in to year five.  During those times, Samantha has lovingly attended to her sister, accepted her as she is, and allowed her to be our focus.  She lives with a great deal of uncertainty surrounding her household, but displays a tremendous amount of confidence in herself and our relationship with her.  She is living a very different life than what we had planned for her and is probably the most well adjusted of all of us."