Focus

Yesterday's readings at mass were particularly moving.  I had debated whether or not to go, since I would have to take both Samantha and Josh, but I felt moved and the timing worked out for us to be there on time.  So, I packed everyone up and off we went.  

The readings were:  Acts 14: 21-27, Revelations 21: 1-5A, and John 13: 31-33A, 34-35.

As you might imagine, it can be easy to lose focus at times as Alli's stay in the hospital grows longer.  Her condition bounces back and forth.  We have a newborn and Samatha at home.  Not to mention just the ordinary life challenges that come up from time to time.  Yesterday was a time at mass to regain focus.

The Acts of the Apostles covers the time after Jesus died until Pentecost, when He leaves the apostles for good and assumes His position in Heaven.  You might imagine that these guys were a little panicked, as they were left to continue the work Jesus had started and build his church, which would ultimately become the Catholic church.  The same work that ultimately led to His demise.  So in the reading yesterday it says..."It is necessary for us to undergo many hardships to enter the kingdom of God."  Paul and Barnabas proclaimed this to the other apostles as a means of encouraging them to stick with their work of conversion and church building, as the reward in the end, to enter the Kingdom, would be well worth their sacrifice.

Then the reading from Revelation.  Revelation which I have often viewed as the scary chapter of the bible, until recently, paints the picture of what the Kingdom of Heaven looks like.  The reading yesterday says..."Behold, God's dwelling with the human race.  He will dwell with them and they will be his people and God himself will always be with them as their God.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, for the old order has passed away."

Finally, the reading from John, which takes place after Judas departs from them.  Jesus commands the disciples to love one another.  That is how they will be known as His disciples.

So, how did this help me?  Well, following the logic, from my perspective, it says - Ok, Megan, you are on this Earth and you and Jason have been tasked with some immeasurable responsibilities and they have, at times, brought great pain and caused great suffering.  Greater than you ever imagined you both could endure.  But, hang in there.  The reward is great.  It is all about getting to the next chapter and being in a place that is truly paradise, without pain, suffering, death, and mourning.  So, stick with Me, and while you're handling these unfathomable challenges, make sure you love each other and those around you.  I will know you are doing my work if you lovingly take care of each other, as I care for you always, and your reward will be great.  

So for all of the times I have sat in church, somewhat directionless, yesterday was a time of renewal - and Samantha managed to be pretty well behaved - doubly rewarded!

We ended last week with some challenges.  Alli was reintubated and put back on the ventilator on Friday morning.  They are now going to perform the series of tests they had hoped to perform when we were admitted back in February.  Since Friday, she has had a 24 hour pH probe to test for reflux, a bronchoscopy to examine the condition of her lungs, and an MRI of her brain to check for any potential impact from the hematoma and resulting procedures.  In the next couple of days she will have a cardiac catheterization to look at her heart function.  At the conclusion of this, we will have a meeting with each of her specialists to discuss where she is medically and how each of these systems impacts her condition.  As of right now, the most compelling result was yielded from the bronchoscopy, which showed her airway collapsing immediately when the pressure support from the ventilator was removed.  Her tone is such that she is not able to keep her airways open without additional support.

So, we are hanging in there with her and comforting her as best we can through these many tests.  Please pray for her and us.